I think it’s fair to say the last few months really challenged my motivation to win or even keep up this battle. I believe it is mostly because I had imagined life being fairly normal by now and it has been anything but. In one aspect my recovery seemed to be going backward all of a sudden and it seemed to be a train I couldn’t stop regardless of all the tools I had at my disposal. It was out of my control, so secretly, deep inside I wanted to find a reason to give in.
Maybe it was the doctors disagreeing on the meds or the promises of new doctors that I would be better when I only got worse. Maybe it was the meds and supplements that kept adding up and only making me sick each time I took them. Maybe it was the insanely strict diet, the expensive organics, the time-consuming specialty recipes and smoothies that didn’t make a difference. Or maybe it was the depleting energy that didn’t allow me to do the exercises and routines that I faithfully did month after month only adding to the depleting energy. The anxiety that was becoming insurmountable when I thought it was improving. I just started giving up and making bad diet and health decisions then adding to my guilt…but I am back!
I think sometimes in life we have to fall off the rails, to figure out the track we want to be on. It made me reevaluate a lot. With Lyme you try everything, no one knows the answers but people know that they tried these 20 things that seemed to help. You never know which of those things helped but somewhere in there may be a solution, so you add it to the pile. And after a while it all seemed to be too much, your days, life are spent trying to get better and all you seem to be doing is getting worse.
I literally said fuck to it all….well partially on doctors orders because they could not figure out what was causing my irregular blood tests. Admittedly, my fatigue increased, many symptoms started to return, depression seemed to settle in and I sat with that for a few days to see what would happen. And then it happened.
I slowly started to add back a few things that I thought might be helping and really evaluated the others. I cancelled any obligations or appointments. And consulted with two main doctors on what I should do about the meds. I even saw some friends laughed and acted like there was nothing hanging over my head. It was great and as I sit here today:
I start my new protocol of meds and feel convinced this time I can manage them better with all the little tools I have learned.
a) I walk outside every day, and work on my breathing. There is no better way to expand your lung capacity and improve your oxygen content than by consciously working on your breathing in a clean air environment.
b) Do immune boosting exercises with oxygen therapy ever second day. Its a fine line with these exercises to not go past your adrenal capacity. You want to boost the enzymes that support your immune system but maintain your energy resources. Its a very cool scientific approach to a workout. Which is also very beneficial to helping women maintain better hormone balance _ who doesn’t want that.
c) I do a hyperthermy bath every second day – body temp to 102 degrees. I gave this up after I had finished the 4 month protocol. I also found it hard to do as I got sicker on the meds. But I believe this practice to be one of the most significant factors in killing off the bacteria I have decided to keep at it. It seems to be when I see the best results.
d) I drink a 30 ingredient medical smoothie 5 days a week – made from scratch
– Make a vegetable juice drink twice a week
e) I drink lemon water every morning to help detox what my body fought off through the night. I have sweats and chills most nights still. Means my body is working hard to fight and detox. You want to make sure you get rid of what it did first thing in the morning before you do something that dehydrates it or bogs down your digestive system (that’s why fruit is helpful too).
A few new things that I am adding that should help with the meds and detoxifying the bacteria as it gets killed off. This is key and is vital to being able to handle the meds and manage the side effects of the “herxes – die off”.
1) Drink dandelion coffee (natural and caffeine free). Regular coffee makes you dehydrated so it will not help eliminate bacteria or any toxins that your body is trying to get rid of. The caffeine is likely intensifying the anxiety, so definitely want to minimize that.
For a specialty drink, I sometimes add french vanilla stevia with coconut cream to the dandelion coffee. I have come to love this but it may be because I have not had something prepared or refined sugar in 7 months…lol. I wouldn’t know better.
2) I eat natural fruit in the morning. I even have to be careful with the amount of fruit I eat, even natural ones feed the yeast in your body which feeds (and hides) the Lyme. This is hard for me. So I limit to breakfast and one snack. My two favourite breakfasts are:
– berries with organic natural yogurt (this supports the good bacteria I need that the antibiotics are killing off of with the Lyme). I sometimes add some natural vanilla since the taste can seem really blah at times or I even as a small bit of raw honey once in a while.
– I have found the PC organics peanut butter to be as close to the processed sugary brands we are used to. It doesn’t separate like most natural ones do. I often eat this with banana chunks. A little bit of sweet with an awesome source of protein. BTW peanut butter should have peanuts as the only ingredient…it doesn’t need to have all the added stuff to take away from what a great food it can be.
3) I drink lemon water every morning to help detox what my body fought off through the night. I have sweats and chills most nights still. Means my body is working hard to fight and detox. You want to make sure you get rid of what it did first thing in the morning before you do something that dehydrates it or bogs down your digestive system (thats why fruit is helpful too).
4) My goal is to eventually be able to apple cider vinegar shots. I find the smell horrible and it makes me sick, but they swear there is no better detoxifier in the world. I found a recipe that masks the taste and smell and will do this until I become more courageous.
5) No news or Facebook. Although it has been helpful to do research and belong to a medically led forum on Lyme, it is also really discouraging. People are really suffering and the medical system is cruel and impossible on so many levels. I find its too much to take right now. Maybe when I am better, I can better advocate for these people. I first must focus on all thats good and when I am better and can focus on what still needs to be done.
So there covers, just the start of my day. Start of my next round at healing. Its a new day. I feel good, the changes are good and so it begins. Here I go!